Relationships

This week at church, the pastor talked about love. Even though this wasn't the most important topic he was trying to get us to get out of his sermon, he talked about how we should be open to relationships and try to keep the relationships we have. This is the part that spoke to me.

It got me thinking. How many times have I actually contacted anyone from Iowa? Not many times. I can assure you of that. When's the last time I actually had conversation with friends from NJ? I don't have them often. I haven't heard from some of my NJ friends in a long while.

I feel like I'm not very good when it comes to relationships. I think I became like that because of the two moves in my life.

The first move made me shy. It made me not comfortable around people like I was in NJ. Not as outgoing. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to make friends. The shyness was probably made worse in public school. Public school showed me that there were certain expectations and if you didn't meet those expectations or if you exceeded those expectations, you basically just weren't friend-worthy. And with my move and all, I tried to fit in. I don't think I even noticed it until the next year when I was homeschooled again, but I changed. I was immature and disobedient when I was homeschooled before. I became a brat when I was in public school. But now, I'm neither. I think I became a better person because of it. But, I have not been able to shake off being shy when I first meet a person.

The second move left a scar. Honestly, I had some pretty shaky friendships in Iowa. There was a period of time when I had no friends. I was ready for new friendships when I still lived in Iowa, but when I finally moved I didn't want any friends. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted my only friends to be my family and Nancy Drew. It's kind of hard to try to make friends, and I know isolation isn't the answer. I had also gotten into a bad habit. I seemed to think that if they wanted to hang out with me they could just call me and ask me. I wasn't going to call them and make an effort to hang out with them. And, in thinking that, I lost the chance to learn the etiquette of asking someone to come over. That'll make things harder in TX.

All in all, I want to make a commitment to make more of an effort to have new friendships with people in Texas, to reacquaint with my friends in IA, and to get back in contact with my friends in NJ. Friendship is important. I just need to remember that.